Doodle 106 - Titania's lady in waiting

Today was rough, some days are better than others, today it wasn't one of the better ones.

You see, we were trying to adopt a rescue shiba inu, unfortunately for us the apartment managers decided that, even though we used to have 3 cats at one point, we weren't allowed to have more than 2 pets at a time anymore, no matter if we have been loyal and pretty much model tenants for over 6 years.

I understand rules are rules, and I am a rule follower, still, it made me very sad to have to write a letter to the rescue group and tell them I will not be able to bring a pup home for the holidays to give it a forever family. I actually felt like crying at work when Andrei let me know the apartment folks were budging, but that's life.

I guess we just need to move to a house so that we can have all the pets we want, yes?

Still, like always, I am lucky, Andrei tried his best to make me smile, and of all the people in the world, he'd be the one to manage to make feel better without a doubt.

Also, I had fun with my team at work (they rock), so all in all things balance themselves.

And if any of you live in Florida and would like to adopt a pup in need, please consider the Shina Inu Rescue of Florida, my dealings with them were wonderful, and they have great dogs available for adoption.

In better news, I was recently featured in a series of posts over at TheNotMom.com a site that celebrates women that are childless either by choice or by chance.

My interview can be read here. It was flattering to be asked for one, and I was as sincere as I could. It is sort of nice to know there are many of us and that we shouldn't feel like we are an anomaly of sorts.

Also, I am still amazed by the ripple effect my re-booting post caused, if you had told me that something I wrote would cause such a stir within so many I probably would have thought you were pulling both my legs.

Finally, here is today's doodle:

Titania's Lady in Waiting - graphite and mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 15 mins.

She came out of nowhere, but I sort of like her, I drew her as a fairy/gazelle of sorts and thought she would fit in "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

Doodle 102 - Interactive doodles and the Fair

We went out today after watching the My Little Pony season premiere, yes, I woke up just for the purpose of watching cartoons, because well, it's part of my education... and so much fun!!!

Anyway, after watching ponies, working out and breakfast we went to get an oil change and we decided to hit up the local seasonal fair.

I have been living here in Tallahassee for over a decade (Andrei even longer), but I have never once been to the fair. It happens once a year and mostly everybody in town goes, but I have anxiety issues related to crowds and strange places, so gathering the courage to go to a fair with all the noise, people, etc can be daunting.

I recently started taking meds for my anxiety and I have to say, they really help me, so much so that today I managed to do something that would have reduced me to a shaky blabbering mess not that long ago.

And you know what? It was fun! Plus I got to see tiny goats, the tiny goats make it all worth it to me... I just think they are incredibly cute and hilarious.

Gooooats, goats everywhere.

Alpaca! I petted it... it was soooo soft and fluffy.

Award winning rooster, he had quite the voice.

The sun setting at the fair.

 After so much excitement we came back home so I could decompress from all the human interaction. I was way happier to walk around the cow pens than when we were out in the crowds... which is hilarious because I have been in shoulder to shoulder crowds at Disney World and with not a care in the world... but Disney World is my happy place, so I guess normal crazy rules don't apply.

I sat down and tried to flesh out a couple of character sketches based on two of your random descriptions, first I tried Maple Girl's:

Name: Azalea Woodhouse
Sex: Female
Age: 16 (this time)
General Features: Azalea is a psychic vampire (she takes energy from other people instead of blood) that was captured when she looked like she was in her 30's. To escape she used her ability to completely drain someone of life energy - but that turned her into a child with no memory of who she is or her abilities.

She's beautiful with very long white-blond hair, large green eyes, and a pale complexion. She's a bit of a bookworm, and has a thing for Jane Austen novels.

She's painfully shy, so she always looks startled. She's short-ish (5'4") and has just begun attending high school.

(This is a character of mine from a story I'm working on. Hope you don't mind. ^_^)

Azalea Woodhouse quick sketch - green and black mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 5 mins.

 I tried to make her look innocent and shy, she is probably holding one of her books close, maybe Pride and Prejudice, she obviously likes books better than people.

Then I tried Anonymous':

Name: Wilson
Sex: Male
Age: 37
Wilson perpetually lives in a half-way house for mentally impaired and has a withered torso. He can't find or get a job, but he acts as a sort of sunbeam for the employees and other participants. During the day, Wilson walks up and down street blocks and tries the handles of parked automobiles he passes. He's not sure why he does this (his doctor will say something about Aussbergers compounded with ...while looking perplexed) but it brings Wilson great joy whenever a car alarm goes off. Wilson wears cast-offs and green gloves.

Wilson - green and black mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 20 mins.

I tried the sketch to the left first and then decided to work a bit more on his face on the right.



Tomorrow I am planning on mostly being home, so I'll get more doodles done.

Doodle 101 - Paperman Vynilmation Concept

I am so excited! We have a 3 day weekend here in the US, this means I get more time to draw and create plus more time with Andrei, that's always a plus.

People always comment how quirky it is that we never seem to get tired of each other's company, and to be sincere, even to us it is a thing of wonder.

When we began our relationship we were a world away from each other, we longed to be able to see each other face to face, at the very least be able to hold hands, so when we finally were together you could imagine we became inseparable.

Still, when we are together we are not lovey dovey, so much so that waiters always ask if we are going to pay together and people that don't know us assume we are just great friends, a fact that makes me chuckle every time.

What can I say, I am not into PDA, it comes from being shy I guess, but I somehow like to leave our more lovey side to ourselves.

After what happened all those years ago, we became even more inseparable, so much so that people will always act surprised if we show up to social events without the other and act worried, sort of as if we were missing a limb.

We have lunch together every single day, unless we have meetings or work related delays. Still, I like to spend some time alone, and my drawing time is indeed "me" time, plus sometimes I send Andrei to do the grocery shopping while I, in exchange, clean the house. He doesn't like to be away from me, but I was a loner before I met him and I like my space on time to time.

Plus we keep our work and work functions to ourselves, so you could say, we don't spend every hour of the day together, just an apparent insane amount of time side by side, and yet, it never feels like enough in the end.

I guess that once you have nearly lost the person you love the most in the world you realize that every moment spent together is as precious as any other, even when all you do is sit on the couch reading books.

Well... that was totally unrelated to today's doodle, well a bit unrelated anyway.

I have this large white vynilmation by my desk begging to be painted, at first I was going to try something candy related, then I thought maybe Mary Poppins, but after watching Paperman, I decided there was one thing I wanted to paint, today I sat down and did a quick sketch to start the process:

Paperman vynilmation concept (front) - green, red and black mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 15 mins

Paperman vynilmation concept (back) - green, red and black mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 15 mins

 Be on the lookout as I work on this project for the next weeks ahead.

Also, remember this Friday's interactive theme, you can see it here.

And lastly, check the giveaway contest, you have until Sunday night to enter, for rules, etc go here.

Doodle 078 - Waiting room doodle and Vanellope von Schweetz

Ah! I am so late posting today, I ended up having to go the urgent care clinic, don't worry I am ok, just started to feel sick and I ended up needing some meds.

The good news? It isn't anything major.
The bad news? I had little time to draw today, but I tried my best anyway.

This first doodle I actually did on my tiny notebook while waiting at the doc's office:

Walking the wire - mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 10 mins.

It is shaky and rough, but I was holding the notebook in one hand and the pencil on another, plus I was feeling rather sick (still am), so I am actually surprised it looks like anything.

Once I was released from the doc's office and got home I decided I needed to draw at least one other thing.

Andrei and I are going down to Disney World again this weekend, I scored us spots to go see Wreck It Ralph via the Disney Parks Blog and then I got extra lucky and got a room at the new Art of Animation Resort, so as you can guess, I am very excited for the weekend.

And so, I drew this:

Vanellope von Schweetz - graphite and pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 5 mins.

It is Vanellope! She is one of the characters on the Wreck It Ralph movie, and the inspiration for a small tutorial I'll be sharing on Friday, since I'll be hitting the road and not going to have time to do an interactive Friday this week.

OK I am off to bed now, I am exhausted, but I am determined, not a single day without a doodle.

Doodle 076 - Remembrance

Today it is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. To be sincere, even when I am part of many of the women that have suffered through this type of loss I never even knew such day existed.

Why? Simple: I try not to dwell on things too much. As a child I was taught to be stoic, that no good would come from crying, that the world is by nature unfair and harsh, so letting tragedies bring me down would make my life even harder than it could be.

As I deal with my own sense of loss and recovery I have come to find out it is very hard to keep everything tightly wrapped in a corner of my heart/mind. The bigger the loss, the bigger the box I had to stuff it in, the more difficult it was to keep a tight lid on it, the easier it became for my fears, pain and demons to come out whenever I was at my most vulnerable.

And I do have a rather gigantic sense of loss about this one particular thing in my life.

Right now I can tell you I feel incredibly sad about the fact that I'll never be a mom... so sad I really can't wrap my mind around it.

For as long as I can remember I wanted to find someone that loved me as much as I loved him, someone I could count on no matter what, someone that wouldn't abandon me, someone I could protect and stand by as well, and truly, before I met Andrei, that possibility alone seemed incredibly remote and far fetched.

Once I found that someone I was determined to start my own family, have a couple of kids, because even knowing how incredibly hard and never-ending being a parent is, I wanted to become a mom, I wanted us to have the chance to try and teach our own children how to grow up to be an awesome person. I wanted us to be like those parents that truly love their children, put them first and still manage to hang on to their sense of individuality and keep their marriage strong.

I wanted to take our kids on trips, teach them to swim, talk, walk, draw, read, sing, dance, be kind, thoughtful, independent, strong and gentle all at once. I wanted to worry about them, laugh with them, celebrate and hold them tight when things weren't going like they would like and finally, I wanted us to see them go on and have their own lives, hopefully as happy as any parent would like their kids to be, doing whatever they grew to love.

I was ready for the job, the sleepless nights, the teething, colics, fevers, the flu seasons, the scrapes, any other malady that came our way, even the teenage years angst and struggle... I was ready for it all.

And then... it all was denied to me... just by matter of sheer terrible luck.

I am not sure how to explain what it feels like, to know something you have wanted so badly for so long and that so many people do every single day around you, with what looks like ease, will probably never be available to you... and what is worse, that you did try, to the very best of your ability, putting every ounce of effort on it, and you still didn't manage to pull it off.

In a way... it feels like pieces of my heart are missing, like something that was meant to be there, something you love more than yourself isn't there anymore. You keep wanting to fill the space back up, but nothing you do manages to plug up the hole... it just exists and you have the nagging and rather terrible sensation that it might never, ever go away.

When yet another of my friends or family excitedly lets me know they are expecting I am incredibly happy, but soon after I am equally angry at myself. It isn't rational, but there it arrives, a recrimination that I make to myself: "Why can't you do it too? This is all your fault".

And I sink down on a small dark recess of my own mind. Sometimes I'll cry, sometimes I will tell Andrei, sometimes I will just keep everything to myself, put on my happy-go-lucky mask and wait it out, hoping it will wash away.

By the time the baby shower rolls around I am better. I will excitedly go and buy a baby gift, happy that I finally get to buy something incredibly cute and small, something I would have loved to buy myself, but can't.

After nearly one decade I have gotten a bit better... but I will be very sincere, I am nowhere as well as I should be.

I am not really sure when, or if I'll ever be OK, I know that I will always be sad about not being able to do something that seems to be easy to so many, something that was supposed to be easy for me.

When parents complain about their kids over and over, act as if they never wanted them to begin with, when they mistreat them, abuse them and throw their hands up in the air because parenthood wasn't as easy as they had imagined, I feel this incredible pang of anger and disdain.

Life isn't fair, I learned that while growing up, things won't always go as planned. All one can do in life is try to roll with the punches, try to stay as true to one self as possible while adapting, and try to be happy through it all.

Sometimes though, being happy seems like a mighty tall order, we stumble and struggle to get back up... still, I am very lucky, I am still alive, I have Andrei, my family, friends, you guys.

All in all, even with the painful loss of my dream, the things that could have been but will never be... I am willing to admit that my life is still wonderful in many ways, and so I will keep on smiling, hoping that one day, even the darkest shadows within my heart, even those holes I can never patch up, will eventually become slightly brighter and less painful.

And today I will remember, at least for this one time, I will remember all I have lost, all that has been left behind, but at the same time, I'll look forward to tomorrow, to something new, to something bright, because I wasn't made to regret, I wasn't made to grieve, I was made to live and try my best to be happy.

Remembrance - non-photo blue pencil, graphite and mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 20 mins.

Doodle 072 - Shapes and animals

Not that long ago (maybe about 6 months or so) I finished a couple of master classes taught by Alex Woo (a story artist for Pixar) and Stephen Silver (character designer, he created Kim Possible, for example) via schoolism.com. At the time I was still not drawing much... if at all, so in an effort to get back into the groove I decided to take a gesture drawing and a character design class.

Hindsight, I wasn't really ready to get back in the game, I was forcing myself to do it hoping it would, somehow, restart my passion for drawing. I found the classes wonderful, but soon I became rather stressed because well... Alex Woo and Stephen Silver were grading my exercises, and I really have a lot of respect for both of them, plus my work was still very stiff, rusty and my heart was still pretty conflicted about allowing myself to draw at all.

All in all, I found myself thinking: "OMG, OMG, OMG what am I doing?! This doesn't even look passable, oh I am sooo bad!" more often than not, but both Alex and Stephen were wonderful and steered my frantic and rather mediocre looking efforts to draw every lesson with patience and expertise. I learned so very much from them, and eventually the idea that I HAD to re-start this project started to germinate in my mind until I finally got the guts to do it.

Anyway, I bring all this up, because one of the exercises that Stephen taught us, was to use shapes as bases to create characters, this makes the characters easy to recognize, memorable and gives them interest... I am probably not explaining it very well, so here is what I tried today:

Shape exercise with animals - blue mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 1 hour.

The above is what I ended up with, I still need to work a lot on making what I draw consistently interesting and unique, in a sense, I have to find my own style, something that will set me apart and makes me comfortable, I can tell I have sort of a style, but it needs more practice and polishing.

Owl detail - blue mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook.

Pigeon - blue mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook.

Cat and shaggy dog - blue mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook.

Now, someone tell me they find that cat above familiar too, because I think I have seen it before and I can't quite put my finger on it... I don't know.

Bird and cat - blue mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook.

Another day down, gotta keep trying my best. Never give up, never surrender!

Doodle 071 - Vampire Kitteh and Necomini Brainwave Ears

You know that feeling in between exhaustion and euphoria? It normally happens to me when my body has been running for so long on little sleep and adrenaline, that I can't quite tell if I am tired anymore or if I just want to go on ahead and stay up until my brain gives and then I can sleep for a couple of days to make up for lost time.

Right now I am nearing that feeling, haven't had much sleep/rest so far this week... sure I probably shouldn't have drunk that one giant pumpkin spice latte... the doctor did say "No caffeine!"... but... but... OK... fiiine, I have no excuses, I was just being bad and now I am paying for it.

Anyway, I managed to be in a good mood anyhow, why you ask? Well, first off, we scored spots to go to the pre-opening of the New Fantasyland expansion at Walt Disney World thanks to my D23 membership (it is an official Disney fan club, yup, I am a Disney geek, I could try and hide it, but... it would be embarrassing to do so, really).

Also, Andrei gifted me these:

Behold! Every other cosplayer and otaku's dream!

I kept looking at them during DragonCon and I guess he got the hint, overall when I kept repeating: "I soooo want a pair!" to what he would reply with an eye roll on time to time, because he is into practical gifts, but after 12 years of marriage he has learned... I am into silly ones, so he humors me.

He ordered them from thinkgeek.com, I love that store and I might just buy every single birthday/Christmas gift my geeky friends get from there... yeah, I love my geeky peeps.

The package got here today and I could hardly wait to get them out of the package:

Easy peasy instructions right on the top as you open the box.

Earsssss!

Ears on the headband.

So, according to the instructions I really didn't read... yup, that's how I roll... two sensors, one on your forehead and other on your earlobe, pick up signals that tell the ears how to behave.

Do they work? Yes, at least on me they do. To do a test run I wore them while playing Skyrim... because apparently that's my other all consuming hobby nowadays, Andrei took video... be warned, it might be overly long, boring and like 98% of the population, we both dislike how our voices sound when recorded, it's all a matter of perception I guess.

Yes, that's the top of my head... you can tell I have played the game a lot since my character kills bosses like it's no big deal.

After all that excitement I managed to come up with a couple of quick doodles:

Halloween Kitteh! - red and mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 7 mins.

Several of my friends have shared a cute (photoshopped) photo of a vampire kitten, so I thought I would draw my own version.

Also, I did a quick gesture drawing, it really has no back story, maybe it is a house keeper going over to see what her neighbor needs across the way:

The Neighbor Calls - red mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 4 mins.

OK, and now I am off to bed.

Doodle 070 - Warrior Princess Bubblegum and a Self-portrait.

Lately I have been wanting to just draw strong female characters, I guess it is because at the moment I am battling my own demons and trying to get better while recovering my drawing skill.

I still feel my drawing hand is rather stiff, but thanks to drawing every day I have started to be able to sit here and try for longer periods of time. Soon I will start simple character design exercises and see how I do. I have a couple of ideas for interactive Fridays that will challenge my imagination.

When you try to shut off a big part of yourself away it takes a while to coax it back out into the light, and in a way you could say it is similar to working out again after not doing any exercise for years, it is painful at first, but after a while it becomes easier, and eventually it is second nature. My poor imagination is so rusty and filled with cobwebs and blocks that it is hard to come up with interesting things sometimes, so bear with me as I delve into my own crazy mind and rescue my inspiration.

Today I drew Princess Bubblegum from Adventure Time, she has been a rather strong princess for several of the past episodes, she is made of sugar, but she sure can pack a punch:

Warrior Princess Bubblegum - red mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 15 mins.

Then I tried my hand at a self-portrait... I am bad at them, I much rather draw other people/things, but it is a good exercise on time to time, still, I am not sure it really looks like me that much:

Self-portrait - red mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 10 mins.

Doodle 056 - Yaaaay! or Happy Birthday Jim Henson

Yesterday I had the idea of drawing something Muppet related to honor Jim Henson's birthday, but my low attention span and work got the best of me and I totally forgot, hence why I am a day late with this post.

So, happy belated birthday Jim!

Yaaaaaaaaay! - Blue and mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 10 mins.

Ah gotta love Kermit, curious side note: Andrei's voice sometimes sounds like Kermit on the phone and he makes a great Rainbow Connection rendition when he feels like it LOL.

Growing up I was a huge fan of Sesame Street, The Fraggles and The Muppet Show. Yup, they were wildly popular both in Mexico and Spain and I really can't imagine my childhood without them.

I was very young when we moved to Spain and I was shocked to discover the Spaniard version of Sesame Street or Plaza Sesamo (Barrio Sesamo in Spain) as we called it, was oddly different from the Mexican one... and once I moved to the U.S. I discovered the original U.S. version was also different from both the Mexican and Spaniard one.

I am sure a bunch of you know this, but Sesame Street was adapted to different countries for cultural purposes, while most of you had Big Bird, in Mexico we had Abelardo, who happens to be Big Bird's cousin:

(In this video you can see the Mexican version of Big Bird, here he is talking about how much he misses his cousin Big Bird and the elderly gent is suggesting he writes him a letter)

And then, in Spain they had a big departure from Big Bird and had 2 "Big" characters, Don Pimpon and Espinete. It was so weird to me since I had grown with a big colorful bird and then, my baby brother grew up only knowing a giant pink hedgehog:

(Don Pimpon is the big guy with the hat, Espinete is the giant pink hedgehog, I can't believe it but I remember watching this episode so clearly. Ah childhood memories!)

Funny isn't it? I know a lot of you guys are from all over the world, did your versions of Sesame Street have really different characters too?

Doodle 055- Mawwaige - Or how I kinda wasn't really mawwied for nearly 11 years

First, today's doodle, (this way if you want to skip the long post you can do so lol), I drew Tinkerbell, what? You thought I would forget a suggestion? Never!

Tink - blue pencil, mechanical pencil and micron pen on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 15 mins.

And now, for yet another long story:

It's hard to come up with beginnings for stories, overall when none of it begins on a dark and stormy night or when it wasn't the best of times or the worst of times at the same time... aaand that's a lot of "times". Anyway, it was around the year 2000 (no, really it was actually 2000, but it sounds cooler that way, no?), I had left my friends, family and the country I called home in one epic romantic leap of faith to be with a man I had known for about a year but had only spent 10 days total with face to face.

Andrei and I met online back in the day when online dating was rare and rather odd. I was 18 and playing on an old timey word based game based on Ender's Game's battle school. He started playing a while after I did, we became good friends, then better friends, and before I knew it I was telling him to leave me alone because I was a free agent and loving it. LOL no, I am not kidding. I never quite believed in mawwiage , I liked being single, having the occasional boyfriend and going on adventures. I was young, free and trying out the whole fledgling grown up thing from the comfort of my parents' nest.

But love knows nothing of plans and before I could do much about it Andrei had managed to smite me through sheer will power and perseverance (that man doesn't know when to give up). After a while he came to visit me at Spain and spent 10 days with us. My family loved him and I loved him even more, and well, I somehow decided that I couldn't live another day without him, so after trying to go on with my life and a long distance relationship for a month without much success, I packed my bags, dropped out of school and just left (kids don't try this at home, I mean eet!)

At the time I was 19 about to turn 20, I was scared, determined, crazy and reckless, but still scared.

I figured I had a two way ticket so if I didn't like what I had done I could always return home. Just for the record, it is now 2012, so you can tell that didn't happen.

After a month or so living with Andrei, we decided we just needed to get married since it was obvious we wanted to stay together for as long as we both should live. We were broke, spaghetti and tuna cans plus no car broke, my parents were an ocean away, his family was a little closer, but still several hours by car. We decided a small courthouse wedding would be the way to go since my folks couldn't be there.

We notified the parents and promised that one day, when we had "made it", we would throw a big party and have a wedding they could attend. They gave in reluctantly, I am known for being single minded, so there wasn't much they could say/do to stop me anyway.

A good intentioned friend heard of our plans and volunteered to help us have a small chapel wedding. I have never been very religious neither attended church regularly (or at all really), so it really wasn't a big deal to me, but eager to start things right and accept my soon-to-be-husband's friend's kindness I went along with it happily.

We started looking for affordable wedding dresses/outfits, it was a mess, Tallahassee barely had any wedding dress shopping options back then and the one boutique (that is no longer in business for good reason) that was around sent us packing the moment they didn't see an engagement ring on my finger... like I said, we were broke, so I didn't want an engagement ring, we saved instead to buy wedding rings.

After a trip across state lines and a very generous monetary gift from another friend, I purchased a big white wedding gown off the rack. It really was the one that fit and didn't look crazy on me a week before the wedding.

Andrei's sisters came to town to see their brother get married to a girl they had never met. I loved them immediately and they loved me back just the same, I was lucky that way and got awesome in-laws. The night before the wedding I was told by the good intentioned friend, that the whole chapel deal was out the door, but that she had arranged a small garden wedding for us at her grandmother's house somewhere off in the country.

Not being one to complain and clearly caught in other people's plans I took it all on stride, let her take me to a hair salon and breakfast and then I was driven out and away to wherever this ceremony was bound to take place... I did notice though, there were no paved roads where we were heading... panic started to set in then, I had no idea where this place was and Andrei had told me he didn't know either.

The weather wasn't cooperating, dark clouds loomed overhead, so as we pulled over at a modest home I was again informed that the whole thing had been moved indoors... and now we were going to have the ceremony in the sitting room of the friend's grandma... and the grandma was a justice of the peace, so she would do the honors of officiating the ceremony.

I just smiled and I was ushered into a room and I tried to get into my now ridiculous large gown while people I barely knew rushed about. Looking back, I really can't remember getting disappointed, confused, angry or nervous. It sort of felt as if I had been swept away into this real surreal and bizarre situation, I just wanted to get things done with as much dignity and grace as I could muster and forget about the mess I had gotten myself into.

The ceremony started as normally as it could under the circumstances and it was going smoothly... a CD was playing some ambient music, people were standing or sitting around furniture that had been pushed around to make more room.

As I saw Andrei waiting on the corner I decided things were going to be ok, after all, all I really wanted was to marry the man I loved. The justice of the peace was rather elderly, she probably hadn't performed weddings in a while and was reading the script as well as she could, maybe a bit, ok maybe a lot rushed. The vows came up pretty fast, Andrei did his bit, said his vows to me and slipped the ring onto my finger and then I waited for my turn, heart pitter pattering... only to hear the justice of the peace go straight to: "And by the power invested in me...", my heart nearly stopped, I panicked a bit, looked at Andrei, who looked at me rather puzzled, I quickly grabbed the ring from whoever was holding it at the moment and slipped it into Andrei's finger right before hearing the "I pronounce you husband and wife" part.

We kissed, signed the paperwork and I asked Andrei in a whisper if the justice of the peace had skipped my part or if I had imagined it. He confirmed it, I had been skipped and made no vows. I shrugged it off, we had punch and toasted with sparkling apple cider since I was underage for drinking in the US, a fact that made me giggle since in Spain legal drinking age was 16, so by then I had drank plenty and developed a taste for fine wine. Our first wedded lunch consisted of chicken salad and a slice of cake and that was the end of it.

We drove home with Andrei's family all piled up on an SUV or van (It is all a blur really), and went back to the one bedroom apartment we lived in along with my sisters in law, my new nieces and more company. We didn't have a honeymoon, the next working day everything was back to normal again.

For the next 9 years I often teased Andrei telling him he was married to me, but since I had made no vows I was still free, yup, just like Buttercup. Of course we were legally married, but it was fun to poke a bit at him sometimes.

As we both finished school and got well paying jobs and worked hard to move up on life, we started taking actual vacations and leaving town more often. One year, as we cruised down to the Caribbean aboard a Disney cruise ship and we watched the sun set over the ocean he said: "Let's renew our vows, or I'll renew mine and you can say yours", I thought he was joking, turns out, he wasn't.

After much research, number crunching and planning, we decided that a vow renewal for our 10th anniversary at Disney World would be the best solution for us. It was a shorter drive away from his family, it had an international airport and built in shuttles and hotels for mine. Plus our trips to Disney World after my hospital ordeals had managed to keep me sane (or as sane as I was gonna get anyway), so it had great memories for the two of us even during really dark days.

Now, having a Disney wedding wasn't cheap, but it came with a great perk, I had a virtual army of people taking care of things and all I did was come up with a look, add several personal touches in the shape of paper goods we did ourselves, wedding favors etc, and keep within our budget.

Andrei and my friends helped me find the perfect wedding dress, this time it was one I really wanted and loved and was ordered a year out and made for me. The food, cake, everything was planned with care and with the help of Andrei an awesome team.

I really won't describe it all, instead I will post a few of the tons of incredible photos taken by our wonderful photographers and friends Becka and Nate from Studio222 photography, because they pretty much say it all about the day:

I patiently hollowed a hardcopy of Ender's Game to make a ring bearing book. Nobody panic, we actually own 3 more copies and they are all safe and sound including my original Spanish first edition that Orson Scott Card signed for me. - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

I gifted Andrei a limited edition Up bottle cap pin, because, well the story of Carl and Ellie is so similar to ours that we wondered if Pixar had been spying on our lives. I must also note, that to this day I can't see the "Married Life" montage at the start of that movie without crying, and it has been the only movie that has made me cry at the theater - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

We stayed at the Animal Kingdom Lodge during the festivities, it is still my very favorite resort in Disney World - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

The lodge provides with awesome backdrops - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

We couldn't have a Disney wedding without a monorail pic, could we? - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

We wanted a personalized ceremony, so we each wrote our own vows and then made our own vow booklets so we could have them as keepsakes and read them to each other on anniversaries - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

:-) - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

Finally mawwied, and this time I said my vows and everything! - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

Another small homage to Up, I put the small house together and our awesome florist got the balloons, this was the kid's activity table - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

I drew different things that had special meanings to Andrei and I for each table. He was a launchy on rabbit army on the game where we first met, hence the bunny - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

Overall look of the tables once put together by our awesome Disney Wedding team - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

Us checking out our amazing cake, it was so beautiful we felt guilty cutting into it - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

We couldn't have a Disney wedding without Mickey and Minnie, could we? - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

At the end of the day, tired but oh, so happy - Photo credit: Studio222 Photography

 When the day was over and we had finally gotten out of all wedding finery and sat exhausted while the TV played some Phineas and Ferb cartoons he said: "Well, now you said it" I laughed and replied: "Yup, I did" "You can never take it back now. Ha!" he added.

And so, that's the story of how I wasn't quite mawwied and then how I finally got to say my vows. It was one of the most amazing days I have ever lived, and I can say without a doubt, I love Andrei more than I ever did and I am sure I'll grow to love him more as the years go by.

We aren't the same two people that we were when we first embarked on this crazy adventure we call mawwiage, together, we are older, wiser and we have weathered more than I ever expected we would or could. Over the years we have learned more from each other than any other person we have ever met, we spend most of our days together and never get tired of each other's company, we have learned each other's boundaries, limits, buttons and secrets; in a way he is now so much a part of me as I am part of him and I still find that mysterious, slightly scary and altogether wonderful.

Doodle 048 - Figure drawing (Some artistic tasteful nudity)

Today was a good day, sure, it is Monday, it is raining cats and dogs and there is a raging storm outside which is threatening to leave us without power momentarily... haha! I hope I finish this post before that happens, but today I did something I have been struggling to do for months.

Yes, today, I went out and interacted with a bunch of people I have never met in order to attend a figure drawing session with a live model.

There is a cool art community here in town, the epicenter of that community is a small complex of studios and galleries next to the railroad tracks, it is called Railroad Square because of the location. It is a funky, quirky place filled with odd and fun shops and cafes. I go there on time to time to visit the second hand shops etc.

One of the gallery owners started having figure drawing sessions a while back, I often tried to make it out there, but work or my own fear of meeting strangers, plus my painful shyness made it an uphill battle. Finally, over the weekend, I made it a personal goal to get out there and draw.

I had a long day between the doctor's office and work today, so by the time I got home I had forgotten, I went ahead, changed into house clothes, and I was about to start fighting with myself over working out or not (it is always a fight... "Get on the elliptical!" "Hmmm... I dunnooo" "DO EET!" "NEVERRR!"), when I remembered about the session. I changed right back up, grabbed my largest sketchpad, portable easel, my little pony bag and got on the road right on time.

When I got to the art studio there were several people setting up and getting ready. I sorta walked in and said a very shy "hi" and started to set up my own stuff. Everybody was sort of introverted as well, so that was kind of cool, after a while people started to come over and say hi and ask what my name was and to see my drawings, so I felt more comfortable as the session went on.

Our model was awesome and did a great job even though it was her first time, I always have a lot of respect for models, overall when the session is on the nude, like today's, plus she was very sweet.

All in all, I had a blast and I am very happy I made it out there and didn't let my fears keep me away again.

So, to begin with, I found some old doodles I made with my brush pen when I first got it on the front of my pad, I took a couple of quick pics:

Random doodles - brush pen on plain sketchbook.

Random doodles - brush pen on plain sketchbook.

And now, a word of warning: the following drawings will have artistic nudity, it is, after all, the only way to really get better at anatomy.

First we started with quick warm up sketches, these poses were 5 minutes long and they were perfect for me to get my feet wet again. This page is an example of what my drawings looked like at the start of the session:

5 minute figure drawings - graphite on plain sketchbook. Aprox 5 mins. each

As you can see it is mostly structure. We then moved onto longer poses of 20 mins each:

20 min. pose - graphite and brush pen on plain sketchbook.

This was my first long pose. I decided to be bold and tried my brush pen to define the figure. I was struggling with the hands and face, but I didn't give up.

20 min pose - graphite and charcoal pencil on plain sketchbook.

I changed my approach for the next pose and pulled out my charcoal, my lines were getting a bit looser and I was feeling a bit more confident.

20 min pose - graphite and mechanical pencil on plain sketchbook.

After a break the model did the same pose, so I switched my angle a bit to get a different perspective.

20 min. pose - graphite and black prismacolor pencil on plain sketchbook.

The final pose was more relaxed (my arm was starting to kill me). I accidentally grabbed a black prismacolor pencil instead of my charcoal one and that didn't allow me to make as many corrections as I would have liked, but I forged on ahead and continued with the drawing.

I feel rather proud of myself, I haven't done any figure drawing since college and I really need to study anatomy in order to get back into real drawing shape. The sketches weren't as bad as I thought they would be, the atmosphere at the studio was great and I will definitely be back to work on my artwork next week.

Doodle 042 - Ginkgo Leaf Fairy

It is finally starting to feel like Fall here in Florida... to us it begins with cooler mornings and random trees deciding to get completely naked from one day to the other while the rest of the woods just sticks around with their green leaves and what I would like to think of as embarrassed tree feelings for their exhibitionist arboreal friends... I say this because we have one such tree by the apartment.

It is always the first one to shed all its leaves and the first one to put them back on... then loose them in the cold and has to sprout them again later on hehehe.

Exhibitionist tree is exhibitionist - blue and mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 5 mins.

 Anyway, after thinking of that I drew this:

Ginkgo Leaf Fairy on Fall Parade - blue and mechanical pencil on plain Moleskine notebook. Aprox 10 mins.

 Oh and yes, our days are still rather hot, at least on the mid 80's and they probably will stay like that for a while. The humidity has been way lower lately, so it is awesome outside, perfect picnic weather!